Sailor Moon Meets Magic Knight Rayearth
by crow girl
Summary: You don't really need to have watched MKR to understand this. Warning: Yuri, Long, Inappropriate comments, and relatively insane.


Disclaimers: Blah blah blah, I don't own Sailor Moon, nor do I own Magic Knight Rayearth. I merely wish I did.   
  
This story is VERY long, and since I was too lazy to add chapters, it's all crammed onto one page. I TRIED to have them keep in characert, but after the first paragraph, I completely blew it. The most suggestive comments you'll get are in the 2nd paragraph. If you can't handle lesbians, I suggest you don't read the latter part of the fic…  
  
Sailor Moon Meets Magic Knight Rayearth  
  
Usagi and most of the other sailors, plus Mamoru, are walking to an ice cream shop. Seiya walks over to Usagi and whispers something in her ear. Usagi turns beet red. Mamoru glares at Seiya.  
  
MAMORU: Stay away from my woman, transvestite!  
SEIYA: Go fuck yourself, rose-boy. You're probably the only one you can convince into going to bed with you! And you probably couldn't hook even that one in!  
MAMORU: You bastard!  
SEIYA: You wish you could be!  
  
Taiki and Yaten grab Seiya while Usagi and Rei grab Mamoru. Seiya and Mamoru glare at each other, struggling.  
  
SETSUNA: Um, let me help you with Mamoru…  
REI: No, we've got him under control, it's okay.  
TAIKI: You could help us with Seiya! Goddamit, stop struggling!!  
SETSUNA: *Disappointed* Not interested.  
YATEN: PLEASE!! HE'LL BREAK LOOSE ANY SECOND!!  
SETSUNA: Well, all right. He'll hurt Mamo-chan if he escapes, anyway.  
CHIBI-USA: Mamo-chan? Don't you usually call him Mamoru? I thought Usagi gave him that pet name…  
SETSUNA: *blushing* Yes, er, that's what I meant. Mamoru.  
AMI: Hmm…  
REI: Hmm…  
SEIYA: Aarrghhh!!!  
  
A blinding light surrounds them. They suddenly find themselves in a strange, new place. Standing in front of them is a tall boy wearing a long robe and a big hat. His bangs cover his eyes.  
  
USAGI: Huh-Hey! Where are we? Who are you? And most importantly, what happened to the ice cream shop?  
  
Rayearth's voice can be heard.  
  
RAYEARTH: Young girls from another world…  
MAMORU, SEIYA, and TAIKI: Excuse me?  
YATEN: Do you really think so? You're sweet!  
  
All back away from Yaten.  
  
RAYEARTH: Rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiigghhttt… Never mind…  
ASCOT: Hey, wait! Do you know where Umi is? Come back! Or bring Umi here! I'd prefer the second one!  
MICHIRU: Who are you?  
ASCOT: You're not Umi! Dammit, Rayearth, you stiffed me!  
Haruka: Why should she be? And who are you? Are you even listening to me?  
ASCOT: Huh? Hey! Are you a man or a woman?  
  
Everyone gasps. Seiya snickers.  
  
ASCOT: What? You people must not be from Cephiro. We never have that problem here…*thinks of Alcione the Busty Bitch*  
SEIYA: Heh heh… Oh man, what a riot…  
HARUKA: Go suck yourself.  
  
Caldina and Lafarga approach.  
  
CALDINA: Hey, Ascot! Who are you talkin' to? Lots of little missies and some fine young men, I see!  
  
Lafarga grunts unapprovingly.  
  
CALDINA: Now, no need to get upset, Lafarga, you know I was just kiddin'.  
USAGI: Hi! I'm Usagi! And these are my friends Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, Mamoru, Michiru, Haruka, Setsuna, Yaten, Seiya, and Taiki! Hey, where's Hotaru?  
MICHIRU: She wanted to stay home and practice reincarnation.  
ASCOT: I'm glad Umi isn't weird like you people.  
CALDINA: Now, Ascot…  
SEIYA: Beat it, kid, or I'll beat you!  
ASCOT: Oh yeah? How do you plan to do that?  
SEIYA: Like this!   
  
Seiya transforms into Sailor Star Fighter.  
  
ASCOT: Help! Caldina! It's a transvestite!  
CALDINA: Ascot, you're gonna have to settle down and let go of my shoulders.  
  
Lafarga grunts threateningly.  
  
CALDINA: It's okay, Lafarga. Hey, Ascot, I saw Umi while I was walking over here. She's in the main hall.  
ASCOT: Really? Thanks, Caldina!  
  
Ascot runs into main hall in search of Umi.  
  
REI: Too bad. I thought he was kind of cute.  
SETSUNA: Yeah, he's pretty sexy with those bangs!  
EVERYONE except Setsuna, Caldina, and Lafarga: Setsuna!  
SETSUNA: What? He was! I'm allowed to like other characters than the one I was supposed to!  
MAKOTO: Actually, you're not.  
  
Makoto brings out Setsuna's contract and hands it to her. Setsuna reads it in disgust.  
  
SETSUNA: Oh, this sucks!  
CALDINA: You little missies are funny! Come on, I'll show you to Master Mage Clef!  
  
They leave to meet Clef, leaving a sulking Setsuna behind.  
  
MAMORU: I don't get it. Who's this guy she's supposed to like?  
HARUKA and MICHIRU: Err…  
MAMORU: Wow, Seiya, you're pretty sexy in that outfit!  
FIGHTER: It's Fighter! And get away from me, pervert! How do you think I look, Usagi?  
USAGI: Well, like Sailor Star Fighter, of course.  
FIGHTER: Oh. That's not exactly what I meant.  
MINAKO: Hey, who's that?  
  
Minako points to a long, blue-haired girl talking to Ascot.  
  
CALDINA: That's Umi! Hey, Umi, come look at these folks!  
YATEN: Oh, Umi, huh? I see…*smirks at Ascot, who doesn't notice*  
UMI: Hi! Who are you?  
CHIBI-USA: I get this one, Usagi! My name is Chibi-Usa, and this is my friend, Mamoru! Oh, and Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, Haruka, Michiru, Taiki, Yaten, and Star Fighter.  
ASCOT: Be careful, Umi! That one's a transvestite! *points to Fighter*  
Umi: *takes a step backward* Well, um, nice meeting you, but I really think that I need to talk to Hikaru and Fuu now…  
ASCOT: Wait! I'll come with you to protect you.  
  
Umi and Ascot run hurriedly off.  
  
FIGHTER: That kid is starting to get on my nerves.  
CALDINA: Oh, Ascot? He's not usually friendly with strangers. Here we are!  
  
In front of them stands a green-haired guy, a tall, blonde-haired woman, and a short little midget with a serious expression on his face. He looks up at them when they enter.  
  
CLEF: Who are these people, Caldina?  
TAIKI: Okay, let me do it! I'm Taiki, and these are Ami, Fighter, Yaten, Usagi, Chibi-Usa, Mamoru, Minkako, Makoto, Rei, Haruka, and Michiru.  
CLEF: Indeed. Well, I'm afraid that you have come at a troubled time in Cephiro, but-  
PRESEA: Do you have to say that every time this happens?!  
FERIO: Yeah, and it's not even true this time! God, what kind of retard are you?  
CALDINA and PRESEA: A short one!  
CLEF: Hey, just because I'm short…  
FERIO: That's the understatement of the year. Mwe he he…  
FIGHTER: Hey, Yaten, finally a guy that's shorter than you!  
YATEN: Up yours! And if you don't, I'll force it up there!  
MAMORU: I'll help!  
  
Lafarga grunts unhappily.  
  
CALDINA: Now, I'm sure they don't have anything against tall guys.  
REI: And why does he always grunt?  
PRESEA: Probably incapable of saying anything more.  
FERIO: Presea, that was rude!  
PRESEA: Why, thank you!  
  
Caldina glares at Presea while she hugs Lafarga tightly.  
  
CALDINA: He's just saving his energy!  
PRESEA: Yeah, it must be exhausting to actually think!  
CALDINA: Go soak your head, swordsmith!  
CLEF: Will you two please shut up!  
MINAKO: I'm sensing many love triangles here…  
FERIO: Lady, you have no idea.  
USAGI: Anyway, maybe it is too exhausting for him to talk.  
AMI: The probability of that is extremely low.  
MICHIRU: Hmm…*eyes Presea*  
HARUKA: Hey, Michi! I thought I was your one and only!  
MICHIRU: You are, I was just… checking to see if she had any hidden weapons.  
CALDINA: Well, she's a sword-smith. What would you expect? A Crazy ass sword-smith, though.  
FERIO: And wouldn't she be a sword-smithess?  
CALDINA: How about a sword-smithereen?  
CLEF: That's enough, Caldina. Oh, hello, Lantis.  
  
Tall, black-haired man with a faery on his shoulder walks in. Yaten starts to drool.  
  
YATEN: What a hunk…  
USAGI: Yeah… Hey, you're a guy!  
FIGHTER: That's our brother, the bisexual transvestite.  
PRIMERA: Hey! Lantis is mine! I'm Primera the faery!  
TAIKI: Hey, a tiny sex object!  
PRIMERA: Eep! Help me, Lantis!  
LANTIS: You people…are extremely disturbed…  
  
Walks out of with Primera trailing behind him.  
  
CALDINA: My, isn't he profound? Well, I know a way to get back at him!   
FERIO: I'm almost afraid to ask what you're going to do…  
  
Caldina leaves room with Lafarga.  
  
TAIKI: Oooooooookay.  
MAKOTO: God, you men are all alike.  
TAIKI: What?  
ASCOT: BEAST, I SUMMON THEE!!  
  
Huge monster races past the room.  
  
PRIMERA: Oh no! Lantis!  
  
Ascot is escorted in to room with Caldina, Lafarga, and a pissed Primera.  
CLEF: What happened?  
PRIMERA: He killed my Lantis!  
ASCOT: In self-defense! I was protecting Umi's reputation!  
CLEF: How?  
ASCOT: He said that Umi was a mutha-fucking load of shit!  
PRIMERA: My Lantis would never say that!  
FERIO: Did you hear him say it?  
ASCOT: Well, no, but Caldina told me he did!  
CALDINA: Heh heh…  
PRESEA: It all begins to tie in…  
AMI: How can you be so calm when someone just died?!  
FERIO: Well, it's not as if we liked him much anyway.  
PRIMERA: I did!  
CALDINA: You don't count.  
PRIMERA: Why not?!  
PRESEA: Well, because you're only part of the comedy relief, the writers could kill you off at any moment and no one would care, you're even shorter then Clef, the designers put the least effort into your appearance, I mean, you look like Shampoo from Ranma ½ for Christ's sake! You have, like, NO magical powers and Mokona ate you! MOKONA! You were beaten by something that would lose a fight to a Marshmallow Duck! What are those things anyway, Peeps? Yeah, that's it!  
FERIO: Damn I love those things.  
CALDINA: As do we all, as do we all….  
PRIMERA: *grumbling* I hate you all…  
  
Fuu bursts in.  
  
FUU: Master Mage Clef! Please come quickly! There is a woman with long, green hair outside that is firing pink and green balls at us!  
HARUKA: That would be Setsuna.  
MICHIRU: Isn't it nice to see her getting some exercise?  
MAMORU: I still don't understand who that guy is that she's supposed to like!  
FIGHTER: Oi….  
REI: She's just mad that she's not allowed to like bang-boy over there.  
ASCOT: Bang-boy? What do you mean?  
MINAKO: She's talking about the bangs covering you're eyes.  
ASCOT: Caldina, they're making fun of me again!  
CALDINA: Let it go, Ascot. I'm just gonna have to knock that person out.  
CHIBI-USA: How do you plan to knock Puu out?  
FERIO: Puu? That sounds like what Mokona says.  
FUU: Tee hee! You used to hate Sir Mokona, Miss Presea!  
PRESEA: I've…changed…  
ASCOT: I'm sorry I killed you, Presea.  
PRESEA: It's not your fault, Ascot.  
AMI: What?! You killed her?!  
CALDINA: If ya'll shut up and follow me…  
PRIMERA: I'm not, after what you did to Lantis!  
ASCOT: Whine, whine, whine. I'm not sorry that I killed him.  
  
Everyone except Primera follows Caldina outside. Caldina takes out her fan and does her dance of illusion. When she's finished, Setsuna is out cold on the ground.  
  
FIGHTER: Wow, you certainly have a lovely and large pair of hooters.  
CALDINA: Well, Presea's not ba-  
PRESEA: I am NOT getting into that conversation again.  
MAMORU: What conversation? What? What? It involves hooters, so I'm interested!  
FIGHTER: You don't even know what I'm talking about do you?  
MAMORU: *pokes fingers together* Well, no, but….  
FIGHTER: HA! Anyway, back to the conversation about the hooters.  
ASCOT: Don't ask. It's a tad disturbing.  
CALDINA: Hey, how would you know what we were talking about, Ascot? I thought you were using a separate bath!  
ASCOT: Um, err, I have a dream!  
CALDINA: Save your strength, you're gonna need it for what I've got as punishment for ya! Just like last time!  
ASCOT: *terrified* NOO!!! Anything but that!!! Don't make me give Hikaru her bikini wax! NOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yaten, Mamoru, and Taiki's noses all bleed continuously. They glare at Fighter, who coughs nervously. Ascot takes a step backward.  
  
ASCOT: Um, just a guess, Caldina! I swear!  
  
Fuu and Presea turn tomato red.  
  
CALDINA: Ascot, you did peep, didn't you? Get back here!  
  
Caldina runs after Ascot, shouting threats at the retreating summoner. They almost run into Hikaru and Umi, who are coming out to see what all the noise is about. Ascot pauses when he sees Umi, then changes his mind as he glances back at Caldina  
HIKARU: Hey, what's going on?  
UMI: I don't know. They're probably just getting some exercise.  
FERIO: Hey, Fuu, what'd he do?  
FUU: I-I don't believe he did anything…  
USAGI: Eh? Am I missing something?  
REI: I think most of us are, Usagi.  
CLEF: Young girls from another world…  
HIKARU, UMI, and FUU: What now?  
CLEF: I meant the other young girls from another world.  
UMI: Then you should specify.  
HIKARU: Yeah, it's hard to now who you're talking about now.  
FUU: Why don't you call us Young Girls From Another World Who First Reached This One. Then they would be Young Girls, Guys, Bisexuals and Transvestites From Another World Who Reached This One At A Later Time Then The Young Girls From Another World Who First Reached This One. Of course, this will only work if Hikaru, Umi and myself were the first girls from another world to EVER reach this one. In that case, we would have to be Young Girls From Another World Who Came Here First That We Know Of And There Could Be Many More Sets Of Girls From Another World or Young Boys From Another World or Bisexuals From Another World or Transvestites from Another World. If this is the case then you would have to change the second party, which would be the Young Girls, Guys, Bisexuals and Transvestites From Another World Who Reached This One At A Later Time Then The Young Girls From Another World Who First Reached This One, you would have to change their names and so on and so forth.  
*Fuu attempts to breathe after her lengthy speech, fails miserably and falls to the floor, unconscious*  
CLEF: Hmmmmm. Glad she finally shut her fat trap, I was speaking.  
MAKOTO: My, isn't he touchy?  
MINAKO: And short. Geez, I bet if I accidentally bumped into him I'd end up stepping on him!  
CLEF: Shut up! As I was saying, you have somehow been summoned here. Why you were, and who summoned you is unknown to me. But you-  
FERIO: Excuse me.  
CLEF: -will have to-  
PRESEA: We sum-  
CLEF: -stay here for th-  
FERIO: HEY, CLEF!  
CLEF: Will you two shut up?! I am trying to explain the situation to these people! While they're in their quarters, we will discuss who might have summoned them here! You got that?  
PRESEA: Clef, you idiot, we summoned them here!  
CLEF: You two?  
FERIO: Well, Caldina and Ascot did, too, but they're busy toying with death at the moment.  
AMI: But why?  
FERIO: Because Caldina is angry at Ascot for something that no one will explain to me.  
MICHIRU: She meant why did you summon us here?  
HARUKA: So hop to it and answer the question!  
FIGHTER: Ha ha ha… That Ascot-person had a point, it is hard to tell if you're male or female.  
HARUKA: Yeah, and if you had wheels you'd be a bus.  
FIGHTER: *sniffling* What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat? I try to watch my figure, really I do. But with all the parties and such, I thought I had a nice body. It must be the extra water weight from my period. That's it, I must be retaining water. This stupid fuku is too small. I feel like a sausage! WAAAHHHH!!! I'm so hideously fat! You're right Haruka! How can any of you bear to look at me!? WHY!? WHHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!!!!????????  
*everyone steps away from Fighter, except for mamoru, who tries to console her. Then, everyone stepped away from Mamoru, fearing the disease that made him delirious enough to console Fighter might be contagious.*  
PRESEA: Uh-huh. Well, we were bored. We wanted to see if we could summon people from other worlds ourselves.  
CLEF: You mean to tell me that you summoned these poor people here because you were bored?!  
UMI: I'm kinda glad we were summoned to save Cephiro now…  
FUU: Yes, it must make them feel rather insignificant.  
HIKARU: I still feel bad about killing Emeraude.  
CHIBI-USA: What? Esmeraude?  
UMI: No, Princess Emeraude. Are you deaf?  
MAMORU: Well, it does sound similar to our old enemy.  
UMI: Well, I don't give a damn about your old enemy!  
PRESEA: Please settle down, Umi.  
MAKOTO: How do you intend to send us back?  
YATEN: Yeah, I'm not gonna miss another episode of Dawson's Creek, Goddamit!  
FERIO: We'll need Caldina and Ascot here, too. While we go get them, why don't you revive your friend there? *points to Setsuna, who was now surrounded by a puddle of her own drool*  
HARUKA: *muttering* Because she always mopes around the house…  
REI: I'm gonna go with you two. This place seems very interesting.  
USAGI: I'd rather be at the ice cream shop…  
CLEF: Ice what?  
TAIKI: You don't know what ice cream is?  
CLEF: Haven't the slightest clue as to what you're talking about. Umi, why don't you go with Presea, Ferio, and, um, the dark-haired girl? I have a feeling you'll be useful…  
REI: I'm Rei.  
CLEF: Yeah, Ray. Whatever.  
UMI: Um, okay, but I don't know why.  
  
Ferio, Presea, Umi, and Rei leave to find Caldina and Ascot.  
  
MAMORU: So…  
MICHIRU: Got any smelling salts?  
CLEF: Say what? *Said while snorting a packet of a grainy white substance*  
CLEF: Eeheehee…… *loses balance and falls over*  
MAMORU: Umm……. *Pokes Clef with the tip of a rose*   
MAMORU: Uhhh, hello?  
************************************************************************  
Ferio, Rei, Presea, and Umi walk in silence, scanning the corridors. Rei gets more curious about Cephiro by the minute.  
  
REI: So what are Caldina and Ascot really like? I mean, I know Caldina isn't hardly shy in the least bit, and Ascot is protective, but…  
UMI: I know, you're not sure. Well, Ascot is like Caldina's younger brother, or at least that's how she thinks of him. Presea?  
PRESEA: Caldina is an excellent illusionist. She used to be a dancer and that's how she does most of her illusions. Ascot is a summoner who used to work under the power of someone who meant Cephiro harm, but Umi made him realize what he wanted, and stopped. Cal-  
UMI: I didn't do that much.  
PRESEA: You'll see, Umi. And don't interrupt.   
FERIO: I know what you were going to say. Caldina had also worked under the man who wished Cephiro harm. But after Ascot came to his senses, she did, too. She was really funny, hungry for money all the time.  
PRESEA: That's not fair, you always interrupt. You're such a jack ass.  
REI: Wow. That's quite a story. So they're an illusionist and a summoner? What about you three?  
PRESEA: I'm a sword-smith, Umi's a Magic Knight, and Ferio's a jack ass.  
FERIO: Har har.  
PRESEA: I wasn't joking. He's a jack ass, isn't he, Umi?  
UMI: Mm-hmm.  
FERIO: Hah! Well, I'm also a rogue. Used to be, I should say. Now I'm a prince.  
PRESEA: A jack ass prince, might I add.  
FERIO: Oh, shut up. Here they come.  
REI: A prince?  
UMI: He was Princess Emeraude's brother.  
REI: Mamoru is a prince too.  
FERIO: COPYCAT!  
REI: He was one a thousand years ago! Sheesh, you are a Jack ass. Or a Dumb Ass. Take your pick.  
FERIO: *cheerfully* DUMB ASS!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Caldina and Ascot, looking very unhappy, walk over to them.  
  
PRESEA: Friends again?  
CALDINA: Siblings again, you mean.  
ASCOT: We might as well be. That faery keeps going on about how I killed Lantis.  
CALDINA: And about how I had something to do with it.  
PRESEA: Which you did.  
CALDINA: Um, not necessarily…  
  
Primera flies over to them angrily.  
  
PRIMERA: Oh! How dare you!  
ASCOT: Here she goes again.  
REI: What I don't get is why didn't you ask him about it?  
UMI: Eh? What?  
ASCOT: Why should I have? If Caldina says he did, then he did!   
CALDINA: Yeah! Listen to the boy! My word is the law! I-am-God!  
FERIO: Did you plan on getting struck by lightening today, Caldina?  
UMI: What's Lantis do?  
PRESEA: Supposedly *looks pointedly at Caldina* he called you a mother load of shit.  
ASCOT: No, he said she was a mutha-fucking load of shit! The bastard!  
UMI: What?! Caldina, why didn't you tell me?  
CALDINA: *turns back from the window where she had been checking for signs of a storm* Oh, I had a feeling that Ascot would eliminate the problem very quickly.  
PRIMERA: Oh Lantis! I will avenge your death! I shall cut him into itty, bitty pieces! I shall burn him in the fire! I shall drown him in water! I shall suffocate him from air! But whatever it takes, I will avenge your death!  
REI: This is very weird.  
ASCOT: Bring it on, faery-girl!  
REI: And getting weirder every moment.  
PRESEA: You two can settle this later! We need to get th-  
FERIO: Shut up, Presea, I want to watch this!  
CALDINA: Forty gold coins says Ascot wins!  
FERIO: You're on!  
PRESEA: Ferio, Caldina and Ascot! Get your sorry asses over here this minute!  
ASCOT: BEAST, I SU-  
  
Umi claps her hand over Ascot's mouth. Ascot blushes and shuts up.  
  
UMI: Come on, let's go!  
PRIMERA: Running away, eh? Cowards!  
CALDINA: He's not running away, he's being dragged away. Note the difference, Tinkerbell.  
FERIO: Damn. Well, I suppose we'll have to send them back now.  
REI: That would be appreciated.  
PRESEA: Er… Why don't you go tell your friends to get ready?  
REI: Oh-kay…  
  
Rei walks off, slightly puzzled.  
CALDINA: What are you up to now, Presea?  
PRESEA: What?! You started that ice cream flinging contest!  
CALDINA: *chuckling* Yeah, that was good, wasn't it?  
FERIO: Most of it hit ME! Why couldn't you hit Clef, for crying out loud?!  
PRESEA: Because all of the ice cream flew over his head. Anyway, why don't we make those new freaks our slaves?  
ASCOT: I don't like them. They make fun of me.  
CALDINA: We'll get you your own whip…  
ASCOT: Count me in!  
UMI: Excuse me, but didn't we just risk our asses for the freedom of Cephiro?  
PRESEA: Maybe, but they aren't from Cephiro. Hey, I'll even let you tie Clef up!  
UMI: I'm in!  
PRIMERA: Not only are they murderers, they're slave drivers, too…  
  
Lantis enters the room, looking dazed.  
  
LANTIS: What the fuck just happened?  
FERIO: Aren't you dead?  
LANTIS: No, but some monster knocked me stone cold. Does that count?  
ASCOT: It's not enough! You bastard! This time, I'll kill you once and for all!  
PRIMERA: Like fuck you will! I finally got my Lantis back, dammit!  
LANTIS: Okay, you want to kill me…Why?  
CALDINA: Perhaps I should step in here…  
ASCOT: You called Umi a mutha-fucking load of shit, you jack ass!  
LANTIS: No, I didn't.  
ASCOT: An obvious lie! Caldina told me!  
CALDINA: Er…  
PRESEA: Hah! I knew that'd catch up to you!  
UMI: So, did you call me that or not?  
CALDINA: Actually, I made that up to make Ascot mad enough to whup Lantis' sorry ass.  
LANTIS: Southern Chizetean bitch!  
CALDINA: At least I don't go around looking like my dead brother! Yeah, he's dead! Feel the burn!  
FERIO: Caldina, shut the hell up! Lantis can have an extra slave, then.  
LANTIS: Well…What slaves?  
  
Fuu bursts in yet again.  
  
FUU: Come quick! Chizeta and Fahren are here!  
LANTIS: Aha! Thought you'd call armed forces to your aid, eh? Well, it won't work!  
PRESEA: She doesn't have the intelligence to call in armed forces. What do they want?  
PRIMERA: Caldina's head on a stick!  
FERIO: You can't have Caldina's head on a stick! If I can't have Fuu's body in a bed, you can't have Caldina's head on a stick!  
FUU: *gasps and turns red* FERIO!  
CALDINA: Hah! I should've know she'd be that cheap! Maybe she's even a lesbian!  
UMI: Oh, thanks, Caldina. Now I have to be with TWO lesbians.  
FERIO: Don't go insulting my bitch!  
LANTIS: Heh heh heh, Er, why are Chizeta and Fahren here again?  
CELES: Young…man from, er, this world-  
UMI: Stuff it up your ass, Celes!  
CELES: *sniff* Umi, I thought you loved me!  
ASCOT: WHAT?! U-Umi?  
UMI: Celes is just being sick. But I would think you'd notice that, Ascot.  
ASCOT: Um, I did, I was, um, just playing along…Yeah…  
FUU: It appears they have crashed into each other?  
PRESEA: They crashed into each other?  
FUU: Don't ask me.  
  
  
MAMORU: How are supposed to wake Setsuna up, and the little midget?  
FIGHTER: Allow me…  
  
Fighter kneels down next to Setsuna and begins to whisper seductively in her ear. Setsuna wakes up, blinks, confuses Fighter for Mamoru, and begins to make out with him, er, her. Taiki and Yaten start to snicker.  
  
TAIKI: Didn't expect, did you, Mister I'm-So-Hot-And-Sexy?  
YATEN: Setsuna's gonna get a nasty surprise…  
USAGI: This is sick! Absolutely sick!  
MICHIRU: I think it's sweet.  
HARUKA: Except that it's with him.  
MAKOTO: *mesmerized* This reminds me of myself with my last boyfriend.  
AMI: Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…  
MINAKO: *cracking up* Heh heh…In the name…of love…I won't permit anyone to interrupt this sick entertainment! Mwehehehehehe!  
  
Setsuna pulls Fighter closer to her. Her eyes go wide as she realizes that "Mamoru" has breasts. Realization suddenly strikes her, and she clutches Fighter to her chest, rocking back and forth.  
  
SETSUNA: Oh, my poor, poor Mamo-chan! They gave you a nasty operation, didn't they? Well, that's okay! If Haruka and Michiru can work it out, then so can we!  
MICHIRU: Yeah! Lesbian power!  
HARUKA: Lesbians around the galaxy unite!  
CHIBI USA: Puu? What are you doing?  
USAGI: *glares at Setsuna, then cracks up* Hahahahahahaha!   
MAMORU: *eyes wide* She wants to do THAT to ME?!  
TAIKI: Certainly looks like it.  
YATEN: Actually, it seems like she wants to do more, hey?  
AMI: This is NOT appropriate…  
MAKOTO: And this reminds me of my old girlfriend…  
MINAKO: That's…disgusting, Makoto.  
MAMORU: Oh my GOD! I don't know whether to shudder in disgust, or dump Usagi!  
USAGI: Mamo-chan, don't you dare!  
YATEN: I'd keep 'em both.  
TAIKI: Seems logical. One for making out and boasting about, and the other for taking a romp in the sack!  
MICHIRU: But who does what?  
HARUKA: Well, seeing how Setsuna's older, and therefore, more experienced, I'd make her the second one, and Usagi the first.  
MINAKO: How can Setsuna be more experienced? She's the keeper of Time!  
MAKOTO: Yes, but being in the Time Gates stops your aging process, doesn't it? So she must have had SOME kind of life on Pluto before she became the Keeper of Time.  
AMI: That's logical. Sick, but logical.  
CHIBI USA: Romp in the sack? What?  
  
Rei walks in conveniently, much to everyone's relief.  
  
REI: What's Setsuna doing to Fighter?  
TAIKI: What she wants to do to Mamoru.  
YATEN: This is extremely hilarious. It only gets funnier.   
USAGI: I wonder if Fighter can breathe?  
MAMORU: Screw hi-her! Let her die!  
AMI: Rei, where's everyone else?  
REI: They said for us to get ready. I think they had to settle something.  
MINAKO: Huh. Well, shouldn't we wake up the midget?  
MAKOTO: Why would we want to do that?  
CHIBI USA: Yeah, even I'm taller than the little nerd.  
MICHIRU: My, I didn't know Setsuna had that much breath in her.  
HARUKA: At least she's enjoying herself…  
  
Fighter finally wrestles herself from Setsuna enough to be able to breathe, but only barely. Setsuna is still holding her very tightly.  
  
FIGHTER: What the hell do you think you're doing? I'm not Mamoru! I have long hair. See? See this?  
SETSUNA: Oh, you poor thing! They made you change your name and grow your hair, too! My poor little darling!   
FIGHTER: No! Hey-  
  
Setsuna is able to get on top of Fighter again. Repeat making out process.  
  
YATEN: I wonder if we should let Setsuna know that that's really not Mamoru.  
TAIKI: It does seem kind of dishonest…  
USAGI: No! He's my Mamo-chan, and I got him first!   
MAMORU: *muttering* Possessive bitch…  
USAGI: Eh? What was that?  
MAMORU: Er, nothing…  
REI: Hah…  
MICHIRU: Go, Setsuna! Keep up the good work!  
HARUKA: You can do it! Keep at it!  
MINAKO: Um, what's all this about?  
MICHIRU: Me and Haru-chan made a bet with the dope brothers over there that Setsuna could keep on doing this for over 15 minutes.  
MAKOTO: I'd have to go with you two.   
AMI: Hey, did anyone notice that when you kick the midget, he twitches?  
YATEN: Ooh! Let me try!  
TAIKI: I am not a dope brother…  
MAMORU: Hey, that looks like fun!  
  
Soon, everyone is kicking Clef(except for Clef, Setsuna, and Fighter). He begins to groan and wakes up. After a minute, they stop kicking him and ask him to bring the other residents of Cephiro here(Hah, thought I'd forgotten about them, didn't you? Hell no. The Setsuna/Fighter thing was just too damn amusing for me to let up so quickly.).  
  
CLEF: Um, sure…  
MINAKO: Finally!  
MICHIRU: *muttering to Taiki* Dope brothers…  
HARUKA: *quietly* Go, Setsuna…  
CHIBI USA: That's getting kind of sick.  
MAKOTO: Then don't watch.  
  
Sighing, Clef summons the residents of Cephiro who had summoned Usagi and her friends. On accident, he also summons Primera and Lantis in the process.  
  
LANTIS: What the hell? God, you people are FREAKS!  
PRIMERA: Yeah, listen to my Lantis!  
ASCOT: They're not the ones who were presumed dead and then seemingly came back to life…  
CALDINA: Or being obsessive little fairy ditzes…  
PRESEA: I wonder how fairies taste?  
FERIO: Winged Fairy…On A Stick!  
CLEF: Shut up, all of you, and send these poor people back home.  
REI: Um, what about those Fahren and Chizeta or whatever?  
LANTIS: They fixed it themselves and left.  
PRESEA: *sniffs* My kindness and consideration, in the end, amount to nothing…  
ASCOT: We don't give a damn about kindness or consideration!  
MAMORU: That almost makes me want to live here.  
CALDINA: Heh heh heh…  
MAMORU: I'm confused.  
USAGI: See, now our intelligence matches!  
MICHIRU: Hmm…*eyes Caldina*  
HARUKA: Hmm…*eyes Presea*  
REI: Hmm…*eyes Lantis*  
USAGI: Eh? *looks confused*  
PRIMERA: Okay, then, let's get started!  
TAIKI: What's the tiny sex object talking about?  
YATEN: Yeah, you people are acting awfully strange…  
  
Lantis pulls out a rope and grins at Clef. The other residents of Cephiro start to surround him and the senshi plus Mamoru.  
  
FERIO: Now just hold still, and this won't hurt a bit…  
  
  
Usagi, Yaten, Ami, Minako, Haruka, Setsuna, Fighter, and Hotaru are finally back home(although Hotaru had actually been in her room the whole time.). They're at the legendary ice cream shop that has been mentioned before. Most of them are eating ice cream, except for poor Fighter and Setsuna, who are making out again, and Haruka, who's sulking.  
USAGI: Yum! Hahaha! I knew that if I bitched and whined enough, I'd get my way!  
MINAKO: *muttering* It's what you do every day, after all…  
AMI: Um, shouldn't you be mourning the loss of Mamoru right now, Usagi?  
FIGHTER: *manages to come up for air, despite Setsuna's efforts* Why the hell would anyone mourn the loss of that loser? Personally, I'd celebrate!  
YATEN: *snickering* That loser is the person you're being mistaken for, baka.  
SETSUNA: *pulling Fighter back down forcefully* Mamo-chan…  
HOTARU: Kami, I hope I don't turn out to be a homosexual, despite my environment.  
HARUKA: *sniffling* Michi…  
AMI: I wouldn't count on it, Hotaru.  
USAGI: Looks like you're stuck with it, kid.  
MINAKO: Yep, your sexual preference has been pre-destined, Hotaru.  
HOTARU: Damn!  
YATEN: Hey, at least you don't have to turn into the opposite sex to fight some youma!  
HARUKA: Hah hah…*sniffs* Michi…  
FIGHTER: (*any comment he might have made has been muffled by Setsuna's lips attached to his.*)  
SETSUNA: (*I think we all know that the only comments we'll be getting from her are muffled moans of happiness*)  
HOTARU: Ugh…  
  
  
Hah hah hah! I'm done! Done, done, done! Oh yeah, in case you were wondering what happened to the rest of the senshi, plus Mamoru, they were enslaved as follows: Lantis got Mamoru and before long, accidentally killed him by using a whip too often. Ascot got Taiki and forced him to fulfill his every whim. Umi got Michiru and used her for target practice after a heated discussion about fashion. Ferio got Chibi Usa and constantly got into fights with the little pink brat while Fuu watched with concern. Caldina got Makoto and forced her into making all of their food, and Presea got Rei, only to strap her to a large rock and experiment with her weapons on her after Rei's protest that she had trusted them, over and over. So HAH! I'm done! Done, you hear me? Done! And completely sane! Ahahahahahahahahahaha! Soooooooo…Any comments? Questions? Feel like flaming a REALLY bad author? E-mail me, or write a review! Mwahahahahahahahaha! 


End file.
